The old adage, “When everything is a priority, nothing is a priority,” is something I’ve said several times over the past few years. Establishing a new entity that has an incredible amount of responsibility and in which people have high expectations is challenging. (That is a “kind” way to phrase it.) People will be understandably disappointed when their priorities are not addressed quickly. People in the public knew we were trying – and we still faced a lot of criticism. It was incredibly difficult. 

That recent experience is why I was curious to listen to the Harvard Business Review’s podcast, “The Essentials: Handling Fierce Criticism.” The podcast focuses on two women who are in highly public leadership roles and have been fiercely criticized. I, too, experienced this – especially during my time in Washington, D.C. I had been in the newspaper. I had been yelled at by a parent in front of one of the biggest news broadcasters while his cameras were rolling. I’ve had snarky comments written about me across the internet. I’m not going to lie: it is tough. I took much of it personally. I spent countless hours reflecting on what I could have done better. I learned what I would do differently in future roles. Later on, I was a stronger leader because of it. 

In the podcast, Patti Neuhold-Ravikumar, a University president, says about one experience: “I listened to the student voices, and I thought, you know what, they’re not criticizing me personally in most of this. It was really the outcome that they were criticizing and that helped me frame the moment for myself.” When we’re being criticized, this type of framing can be so helpful. I once worked for someone who asked for feedback but didn’t genuinely want it. In fact, she acted in a retaliatory fashion.As it became more and more clear that the former leader I worked for didn’t want feedback, people who worked for her began to shut down. It turned into a “culture of yes” because people didn’t want to be chastised or faced with retaliatory actions if they dared to speak their mind. It was a team of bright people, and it was incredibly sad to watch.  

I know firsthand how difficult it is to be criticized – especially when you’re working your butt off and giving it your all. One of the other statements that Patti made was, “…if it’s constructive criticism, the [person saying it is] not looking for an apology, they’re looking for change.” I have a mentor I’ve known for more than 20 years. In my time in D.C., I would occasionally call him because he was my biggest cheerleader. He asked me tough questions and he held me accountable – and he framed criticisms in such a way that I could learn from them. I was able to step back and consider the changes that needed to be made. It has made me a much better leader. 

As the leader, the buck really does stop with you – even when you didn’t make the decisions that led to the criticism because of what your predecessor had done. Learning how to ask for feedback, truly listening to it, and thinking about what changes you are being asked to make is absolutely essential for any leader to be successful. I’ll be the first to admit that it is much easier said than done.